I would do unspeakable things for a breadstick right now.

I’m on this stupid health kick, which is pointless and lame, because I’m a masochist and hate myself.

I got a Nutribullet for Christmas and they insist that if you have a “blast” aka spinach water for breakfast everyday, you will feel fantastic. They forgot to mention that you will also immediately shit your pants.

Today, I’ve had carrot sticks, apple slices, a hardboiled egg, and a tofu salad. Needless to say I’m in a terrible mood because I’m STARVING. How do people juice for an entire day?