I was raised by a 35 – 45 year old male stoner so the five second rule is very lax for me. If a macaroni noodle falls on a bar table. It’s fair game. It doesn’t even have to be my noodle.
Does the five second rule apply to birth control pills? I always drop mine on the floor but can find them very quickly. I feel like that is my drunk super power. Some people can make it to the bathroom in time to throw up, others can hail a taxi like nobody’s business. Myself, I can always find a birth control pill on the floor and manage to get it into my mouth.
I don’t really understand germs. You can’t see them, so therefore I just live my life pretending this don’t exist. Like ghosts, the suffering of the masses and my repressed memories from childhood. If you can’t see it, it’s probably nothing to be worried about.
If I pick something off the ground and it has a hair on it of course I’ll throw it away. I’m not an animal. Unless of course the hair can be easily picked off, then it’s kosher.
I have a lot of fears: never getting married, waking up with a giant tattoo I don’t remember getting, being eating alive by a large animal, you know normal shit. I just don’t think I have the capacity or understanding to add bacteria to that list. Plus I think there are some benefits to being a little bit, well let’s use the word “dirty.”
1) I get sick less often because I’m building an immunity to bus people germs, bar germs and all the other germs out there. Bird flu? I would let a bird eat out of my hand then eat the rest of the food in my hand. Boosh. Bird flu avoided.
2) I don’t waste food. Half a granola bar fell out of my pocket? That’s my breakfast homie, what do you think I’m made of money? Pick that shit up and eat it. Think thin bars are like $2 each.
So, I can only think of two benefits right now. I might come up with more after a few glasses of wine but I think I have established a pretty solid argument. So rejoice in the 5-second rule and don’t be afraid to cross contaminate. It grows hair on your chest, or whatever.
milky feelings 