My coworkers on the drive home from our work event in Seattle decided to go around listing bucket list items. I realized I never really thought about that. Probably because I feel as though I am destined to be immortal due to my witchy powers and as a gift to the future generations.
The only thing I could come up with when everyone said ice bar in Sweden or Paris was that I’ve always wanted to milk a snake. I don’t mean that in like a weird sex way, just I’ve seen Steve Irwin do it and it seemed like a cool thing to do. Harnessing the venom of a rattlesnake just seems kind of bad ass.
I decided I should probably come up with some real life shit before I die and get reborn as a white, male CEO in the 1% as is my destiny:
1) Live in London for at least a year. London is dope as fuck and I want to make out with as many British accented men as possible. I will buy lots of Burberry things with all my money or realistically, steal them from second hand stores and walk around Camden town every day drinking tea and hitting on dudes with my dog Walter.
2) Get a corgi and name him Walter.
3) See a great white shark jump out of the water and eat something. Like a seagull. Preferably a seagull, because seals are adorable French fries of the sea and I get sad when they are chomped all the time by whales and sharks and shit. I would like to view this safely from a large boat or on land. Of course I would want to get a sick video of this moment and share it with the whole internet, become internet famous and get picked up by Discovery channel to search for the next fake monster, like megalodon or some shit.
4) Go to Scotland and visit Loch Ness. Drink a bunch of whiskey, buy one of those cool caps Shepard men wear, herd a sheep while wearing said hat.
5) find true love, or whatever.
milky feelings 