Tag: self help

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advice comedy health lifestyle self help Uncategorized women

Self-Care

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I went to one free meditation class offered through my work and now all I want is to get seriously jacked on self-care.

I want to be rubbed in essential oils, go on a silent retreat, and be healed by crystals.

I am officially 100% drinking the kool-aid on this one. I was driving home from my families this weekend and thought, “You know what I should do? I should go to Peru and take Ayahuasca.” So yes, you could say that I’m pretty into this.

This will be an interesting journey to follow so if you haven’t already subscribed to my blog, well hot dog, now would be the time. Part of the reason I stepped away from blogging and comedy for a while is that while I have an easy time admitting my neurotic tendencies and general fuck-uperry, actually trying to do something about my negative behaviors or “Sadness kinks” is going to be a whole different ball game.

So after I made the decision to get, like, super fucking healthy, I did what I always do when I get excited about something. I go all in babyyyyy.

So far it’s been a wild ride. On top of my therapy and a daily dose of Lexapro I decided to quit drinking, which is swell. So swell, that when I got sober and had nothing to blame my negative feelings on, I got a tidal wave of anxiety and had to call the mental health line, get on a waiting list to see a physiatrist and eventually a drug and addiction counselor.

Dear readers, there is nothing that makes you feel worse about yourself than taking the steps you need to take to feel better about yourself.

First, you have to hear the phone recording say, “If you think you are having a psychiatric emergency, please call 911.” Like, okay, listen up ma’am, I can’t tell you how many times I have thought I was having a psychiatric emergency. If I called the cops every time I cried at a commercial or slept for 13 hours they would be like “Kaylee, we told you the last time, please stop calling here. This is not an emergency.”

Once I finally got an appointment, I had to pee in a cup LIKE A GOD DAMN CRIMINAL (or someone with a self-diagnosed bladder infection trying to figure out if it is really a bladder infection.) I had to admit that I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I had to answer a questionnaire that basically asked: “On a scale of 1/10 how likely are you to….you know…. *nurse practitioner whispers* kill yourself?”

I had to speak to my negative body image and when asked about how I feel about my body responded honestly with “Oh gosh, I mean I hate the thing. I really do sir, it’s awful.” More strangers have seen me cry in this past month than when I went to a  friend’s sisters wedding and was just “so *sniff* proud of her. *sniff*.”

Going through all of that sucked. It blew metaphorical chunks all over the life I wanted people to think I had handled. I had to admit to my partner I was struggling with addiction. I had to go through with my work holiday party knowing that there would be free booze and that I couldn’t have any, even though other people could because I had a problemmmmm ugh!

But here I am, 21 days without alcohol, snuggling my animals, being honest with myself and my intentions, and working out a plan. Because it’s important.

I think the absolute tightest part about self-care is the discussions that make you realize you aren’t alone, and that the crazy thoughts you have are in fact, not that original.  This will be the goal of my posts moving forward. To provide insight and a light-hearted look into mental illness, addiction, and self-doubt. Hopefully, it helps even one person feel less alone in their struggles while being (fingers-crossed) mildly entertaining.

More to come!

Milky

 

 

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advice aftercollegelife friendship health lifestyle self help Uncategorized

Over-achiever

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What is that crazy strain that us sentient beings have that makes us constantly unsatisfied with our current situation?

Here’s an example of what I mean:

I don’t have any friends in Portland and I want friends > I get friends > I focus on my job not being satisfying > I want a new job > I get a new job  > I focus on how much better my life would be with a pet >>>

Once we “level up” it’s an immediate switch to think about the next level. Maybe my experience growing up with a Sega Genesis has subconsciously affected my adult life.

Or maybe, there’s a terrible aversion that I have to settling.

I know there’s a whole world out there full of experiences and life and I’m woke to it. Woke to it as fuck.

Even if I eventually have the great job, the amazing husband, the 5 dogs, and the six-pack abs I’ve always wanted, there will always be this innate desire to have experiences outside of myself. Experiences where I feel alive, and well, different.

It’s that what those t-shirts and coffee mugs that say “Wanderlust” are all about?

As much as I enjoy listening to a podcast and cooking a meal, or sweating it out at the gym and feeling stronger, or watching 17 episodes of a cooking show in my underwear, those are not the things that get me up in the morning. Those are just tricks I’ve been slowly developing to keep me out of the Johnson Unit.

I want to feel the way I felt when I walked through the Oxford street market, or when I climbed 300 steps to get the best view of the Paris streets, surrounded by a bunch of strangers, that for those 3 days, were my best friends. I want to camp in the woods with my friends and have a séance in the woods where we tell our deepest, darkest secrets.

I want to fucking live outside my desk, and more importantly, my head.

Of course, I need the security of a steady income and a roof over my head, so I don’t think I’ll be “Eat, Pray, Loving-it” anytime soon. Plus, maybe it was how hard I worked to get to the amazing places I’ve been that makes me appreciate it the way I do. If I flew to Paris every weekend, maybe I wouldn’t have wept at the beautiful site of the Sacre Coeur, and I probably wouldn’t have dared to give 3 strangers my phone number so we could meet at the Eiffel Tower at midnight.

I don’t want to always live for moments in the future, but having those out-of-yourself experiences is so important to me. I hope I can feasibly always have something scheduled to put myself in a situation that is new and exciting to me.

I want to have memories and experiences that are outside of my day to day work > grocery store > gym > home routine. I want to feel connected and alive and shit.

So how does that work, dear readers? How does one enjoy the present moment while also craving something more than being an Assistant and a dog-mom? I definitely don’t have all the answers. Maybe realizing that other people feel this way too and I’m not alone is a comfort in it’s own regard. Maybe being a little more conservative with my paychecks so that I can afford trips to new places is put as a higher priority. Maybe booking time for myself to go explore my own city or try a new restaurant is a reasonable step.

I would love to hear your responses and advice to this quarrel of the ordinary. Please feel free to DM me, dog. Or comment below.

XOXO,

Milky 

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aftercollegelife comedy hobbies lifestyle pacific northwest pdx self help Uncategorized

All the Small Things

blink 182There’s something about spending  82 days in a leg brace and 6 months in physical therapy that really puts things in perspective.

I think it’s ingrained in the human condition, something about always having to search for better resources as a Neanderthal or some shit, where we can’t just chill out and reflect on how far we’ve come. How often do any of us really sit down and think, “I can breathe, I can walk, I can even pay my electric bill when I put my mind to it. I’m a decent human being and everything is pretty o.k.”

For me, the answer is never. I’m constantly in a state of mind, where I’m beating the shit out of myself, like frigging Tyler Durden. The internal dialogue ranges from, “Holy shit what am I doing with my life, and why am I not famous already?!” to, “Man, I really should have done a load of laundry last night.” It’s as if the fact that I’m not on SNL and don’t have clean underwear are the the defining characteristics of who I am as a person, and that person is lame with a capital L.

Well I’m over it, and am going to sincerely do my best moving forward to not be so hard on myself, which is a hefty effing task if you know anything about me. I can’t even take naps because I feel like I’m wasting valuable time that I could be running laps or dusting something.

I think we should all be more supportive of encouraging people to focus on the positive. Like, have you ever noticed when you ask someone how they are doing, the answer is always “okay,” or ,”good.” How come no one is doing fucking phenomenal? I want someone to be like, “Oh me? I’m doing mighty fine today, because I cooked food for myself and made a credit card payment.” If someone said that to me, I would be like, “That’s fucking awesome Rhonda. You celebrate that girl. You fucking bump that credit score to the heavens and get some essential nutrients today, dawg.”  (*I have no idea how credit cards work.)

We shouldn’t be so worried about sharing our accomplishments in the fear of making others feel bad or less successful or whatever. I’m reading this self-help book right now (because extensive therapy, medication, and extremely supportive friends and family just ISN’T ENOUGH DAMMIT) and it says that when you try to do something positive, especially something that is radically different from your current state, the “universe” is going to try to push back. Like, let’s say that all of a sudden I decide to get off the sauce, quit smoking, and dedicate myself to yoga practice.  I’m going to get all sorts of wack feedback like, “So what, are you not drinking anymore?” “Is that just soda water?” I know this to be true because it’s already happened to me numerous times. Way to encourage my drinking problem guys.

And we are totally all guilty of it. I had a friend that started hitting the gym hard, and she would always post Facebook updates about going to work out and “crushing it” and then take photos of herself looking like a total fox. I remember one night scrolling through my news feed while straddling a plate of Mexican food, and saying, “Fuck that betch. Fuck her right in her six-pack abs.”

But imagine if instead of nay-saying, and shaming people into hiding their accomplishments, we took inspiration from the success of our peers, and used that to fuel our own journeys to fulfillment?

As Taylor Swift so eloquently put it, “The haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.”

I think whether it’s your own demon brain thoughts, or someone else tripping on your newly adopted paleo diet, or career change, or WHATEVER,  you got to “shake it off.” and just keep doling out those positive vibes. Share what makes you happy, and celebrate other people for making dope life-decisions.

XOXO,

The Weekday Hangover