Hi dear readers,
It’s me, your new booze-free confidant writing to you from my new zen palace of wellness and enlightenment after 74 days of sobriety.
In actuality, I’m sitting in a crowded coffee shop, just ate a cinnamon roll the size of a brick and have already cried today. So you know, not much has changed.
I really thought it was going to be different. I thought I would grow my third-eye around day 10 and I would move forward as a champion of addiction-free living. I was hoping to “get woke.”
I even embraced the lifestyle of the sober followers I admire on social media. I went to glorified napping yoga classes where I sat in comfy poses and listened to mantras on manifesting change. I made SEVERAL smoothies. I crushed podcasts on sobriety from women I admire. And while all of those things felt good, I still had depression, anxiety, sadness, and felt generally overwhelmed. It was almost like things got WORSE.
(My skin does look, like, really good though.)
So what the hell, right?
The thing is, it was so easy in the past to blame my shit-attitude or my low self-esteem on my hangover, or the fact that my drinking kept me from my goals. I didn’t work out because I stayed up too late the night before, I can’t lose weight because drunk me always wants cheese fries etc. etc. But when I took the “problem” away I realized there are actually deeper things going on that I was using alcohol to not think about. While alcohol was a real problem, It was also a tool to hide from the real shit that happens as a direct result of being alive. (stress, anxiety, feelings of not being good enough, wondering if this is it or if you are doing the right things and the list goes on.)
That’s why things got “worse.” I ripped the band-aid off, but now I have to deal with what’s underneath. And dear readers, it is scabby and it is gross, but I’m grateful I’m at the point where I get to start picking at it. So I leave you today with that poor graphic analogy and I look forward to updating you on my future coping techniques.
XOXO,
Milky
milky feelings 
2 replies on “Hello From the Other Side”
Glad to hear you have a grateful outlook on that realization. I remember the first few (more than a few) attempts at any sort of sobriety. Attempts repeatedly being flattened by excuses and fears of change. Just recently I have finally felt like I am making the progress I want to be made. Glad to see you are sticking with your personal journey, I am looking forward to your next blog post. I greatly admire your vulnerability to share it with the world, thank you for that.
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Hey Zack, thank you so much for your comment and for checking out the blog! Fear is definitely a huge factor including thoughts like “what will I do for fun now?” You feel like you are going to have this hole missing from your life and have to transform into a whole new person to cope. What’s been fun for me is trying to think back to when I was younger and what I enjoyed. What kills time for me without having to think about drinking. I’ve been doing a lot more things that I like at first to distract myself but now because they actually are fun for me. So glad to hear you feel like you are making progress and best to you in your journey!
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